You’ve heard me say before that modern dating is a landmine of unexpected emotions and more patience zapping than Trader Joe’s on Saturday afternoon. Recently, I’ve had one of these landmines explode on me that surprisingly, I’ve never experienced before. Although the more I’ve recounted this experience with other people lately I’ve come to find it’s indeed very common and it certainly wasn’t unique to me, I couldn’t help but feel so indignant and like the complete embodiment of that Nick Young meme. Sitting with my proverbial question marks floating around my head, eventually I came to the conclusion that I had, in fact, been ghosted.
What exactly is ghosting? In a nutshell, if you were talking to someone as a potential love interest and all of sudden they completely stop answering any and all of your messages across the social media platforms, you’ve been ghosted. Phone calls go unanswered and unreturned. Texts (even ones that proposed a question) go completely mute. Your Snapchats are opened but never reciprocated, maybe you even got deleted. All without an explanation or natural ending. A myriad of emotions begin to plague the ghostee once it fully sinks in that despite your attempts, this person simply doesn’t deem you worthy of an answer as to why you’re no longer worth their time, attention, or consideration. In short, it fucking stings.
It would be misleading to say that everyone who has ghosted someone before is a terrible person with no regards for other people’s feelings. I’ll admit, it’s hard being the person who wants to end the relationship and actually communicating such in a respectful manner. I’ve been there before. But as uncomfortable as it was, I tried to do the right thing every time. Because I’m not
a piece of shit afraid of confrontation. We’re still being objective here, right? Social media makes it even worse, enabling people who already might not be the best communicator to further hide in the depths of their phones and computers.
Despite the complete disrespect and personal hit to our egos that comes with getting ghosted, the one bit of advice I can give is this: If someone is really interested in you, you’ll know it. If someone is truly down for you, you’ll know. Of course, there’s a level of anxiousness when you meet someone new and are excited to see where things go, but trust your gut. If something seems off, it’s off. At the end of the day, even if you were really into the person who ghosted you before, they showed their true colors. And someone who can up and delete you out of their life like a spam email from Bath & Bodyworks has already proved to you that they simply don’t have the emotional maturity to be with you anyway. Someone who’s meant to be in your life will bring a sense of calm, not an anxiety ridden panic attacks where you come up with scenarios in which he lost his phone or was thrown into the prison from The Dark Knight Rises.
Inconsistency or lack of interest may seem like there’s room for interpretation, but to me, it’s actually black and white. To steal a line from one of my favorite movies, if there’s no consistent effort to be in your life, he’s just not that into you.
It might take a bit to bounce back from the emotional whiplash of being so inconsiderately discarded by Danny Phantom, but the bright side is that more and more studies are claiming that wine can help you lose weight! So pour a glass, cut your losses, and know that if this person were really meant to be in your life, they would be. And as much as it hurts to be ghosted, know that this person took the cowards way out and that has everything to say about them, not you.